Monday, January 31, 2011

It started as a facebook status and soon turned into a blog...

I once loved a man and felt as if I could not take on the world without him, I now love a man who when I am with me makes me feel as if I do not have to take on the world – my world is just fine the way it is...
Where did it come from?  It’s a crazy little insight into love and life and it comes from experience...
Being human I have made my fair share of mistakes some of which were losing myself in the lives and dreams of others and not allowing my true needs and wants to come to light.  That is after all what it boils down to, in the end when relationships go south it is often because one or the other just never found the courage to say, “I need”.
We sometimes place blame on the other for not recognizing our desires but how often do we fearlessly venture forth in to the land of ‘I think’ or ‘I want’.  I often wonder how our world would be different if we were able to be more honest about us and who we really are.  We push aside our own feelings in the interest of benefitting others but does it really in the end benefit them.  They can only respond and react to what we are willing to share and if we are not completely open about who we are.  Fear drives us to hide away our true nature.  Think about it for just a moment, how many times have you yourself not told a lover or friend what you really think for fear of hurting them or for fear of angering them.  What is the reason for that fear?  Is it that you are afraid that they will walk away or abandon you? 
We have all been here and it takes a strong individual to always feel sure of themselves and to never need reassurance yet if the relationship is to last it must be built on honesty and truth, not false pretences and assumptions.  When we hide who we are in the interest of being loved we deny ourselves the most beautiful form of love imaginable, a love built on truth. 
While I agree it is not always kind to point out the faults of others I refuse to accept that it is ok to continue in a relationship that is based on ignoring the reality of those faults.  None of us our perfect, and none of us can safely point the finger at another and tell them they need to change but at the same time it has to be safe within the confines of your relationship to talk about and discuss the things about each other that are not perfect, the things that if given the opportunity you would work on to improve. 
So how do you do it?  Ditch the idealism of the perfect romance, throughout the perception that love simply is living in state of bliss all of the time and accept the fact that here and now we live in a physical reality and in that reality there is no such thing as the perfect mate... Can you look the one in the eye and say to them – “you are not perfect and I love you that way”  Can you look your love in the eye and say “I know I am not perfect and I expect you to love me that way”
I have to laugh when I think about how many of us have this kind of supportive open relationship with somebody we would refer to as our best friend, somebody who is usually of the same sex who we have known for years.  They know all our secrets and we theirs, there is not a word that may never be spoken or a line that cannot be crossed because we know that they will always be there.  I have a couple of these and they are more precious than diamonds or gold could ever be but they did NOT happen over night.  They took work, trial and error and a good deal of compromise.  Why is it so hard to do this with somebody we are considering spending the rest of our lives with, it just does NOT make sense, yet oddly enough we still find reason to not be ourselves with the very people we are supposed to be most comfortable with...
So next time it crosses your mind to hide your you – to hide your truth from the person you love regardless of whether or not it is to protect them or to protect you consider this – what is the worth of a love that is built on a lie?
Am I asking too much?  Perhaps yet I have found that when you start a relationship in perfect honesty, without hiding anything there really is nowhere to go but up...
I am constantly inspired (though he would cringe if he knew it) by my other half’s honesty with regards to his imperfections and personality traits.  Not once have I ever seen him put on airs or pretend to be that which he is not, and as he would say he is a work in progress but then so too am I and I have absolutely no problems admitting it.  It makes for an even playing field this little thing we call honesty, turns the tables on those who would live a life full of pretences and rids one of the problems of those who live their lives based on image. 
It reminds me of another long ago posted face book status – I would rather share my life with an honest demon than spend one moment with a dishonest angel....
Let’s face it; in the end we are all really just human...
Jean Victoria Norloch

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