Thursday, August 11, 2011

For The Love of my Home Town

For The Love of my Home Town...


I spent 16yrs of my life trying to get out of the small town in which I grew up because I always thought that they would never understand me. It has occurred to me of late that it is I who was unwilling to understand them...

So I ventured forth into the great unknown vowing to find the excitement and adventure I dreamed of, praying I would find a place I could call home. I went seeking for people of like mind, people who would accept me, all the while hiding my truth from the very people who knew my 'me' better, on many levels, than I knew myself. I broke out of my shell, explored the world around me, journeyed deep into my own heart and soul in an attempt to find some sense of peace, some proof that love existed in our world, some confirmation that my ideas of compassion, acceptance and understanding for all were not so farfetched as to be an unattainable dream. From around the world, creators stumbled, glided, flew and dropped into my life in various shapes and forms and I felt for a while as if I had broken down the final wall and tapped into a secret the world needed to learn. I wrote books, I did video’s, I talked and I shared in a vain attempt to tell the world how amazing it is, to prove to them all that they can, that they will...
Then I grew up...

And realized that they already are...

Which is not to say I am by any means done growing, but I will more than willingly admit, unashamed and undisturbed, that my need to wake people up was one of the first signs that I myself was still asleep.

For all this time that I have been out here doing what I do, I was hiding from who I was, and for the most part not sharing my new life with the people I had grown up with. A fear still lingered, there deep in my heart that they would not approve, that they would not understand and that I would still never be accepted; after all my way of looking at the world was so much different than theirs. Yet thanks to the amazing support and encouragement of a select few individuals I in time learned not to care, I learned that my thoughts and feelings had worth and value, I learned to trust my pen and my heart and to have faith in my ability to touch the hearts of others. I began to see the occasional familiar face pop up, people who had for years been off my radar and though they do not often speak out about the work that I do they do let me know they are there, they let me know they are watching, that they are listening and that they have appreciation for the work that I am doing...

It took some time for me to realize how important that was to me, how much it mattered that they were still with me, even after all those years of running there was a place I could still always go that would be a place I could call home. Oddly enough many of them are not there anymore, yet the ties of growing up in a small town are ties that bind, and the values that you learn in such a close knit, family oriented environment are values that you can carry with you proudly throughout your life. I forget sometimes to thank them, and I forget to tell them how much it means to feel them with me on my crazy trip into self, I forget in fact to tell them how much of what I am today has been influenced by the love and support I got way back when I was not yet grown enough to recognize it for what it was.

You see I was blessed enough to grow up with a bunch of very creative friends, who had a deep appreciation for the freedoms that artistic expression gives you... Music was huge part of my youth although I myself have never played and am terrified of singing in public, I was was nevertheless constantly exposed to the free thinking of the creative mind. On the other end of that, I had a number of friends who had no interest whatsoever in creative anything yet they had a deep appreciation of the simple things in life. Many of them , children of local farmers, knew the value of both hard work and hard play, they had tight, interwoven and interconnected families who had grown up close to each other three or four generations back. Support in that kind of community is never far away and though there is the challenge of everybody – everywhere – always knowing your business, looking back on it, if you feel you have something to hide then maybe it is a something you should not have done... Time was passed going for walks in the bush or in fields, fishing, getting together and having jam sessions around campfires and in some cases long nights simply walking around the town, exploring the potentials of deep thought... Not that bad a way to grow up and certainly not something to run away from...

They say the grass is always greener on the other side and that you never really appreciate something unitl it is gone... I say, the grass is pretty green where I am, but I had to work a lot on me to appreciate how remarkably green it is over there as well and since over there is not really gone, since the only thing that needed to change for me to appreciate what I was running from, was me, then I have to wonder... how long do you have to run from everything and everybody before you figure out that the only person you are running from, is yourself?

(I want to thank Marsha, one of those old souls in a young body for inspiring this blog and for reminding me every once in awhile how amazing the people are who grew up in my home town)

Jean Victoria Norloch
www.feenxrising.blogspot.com




1 comment:

  1. Thank you for the sharing . . .
    love it
    blessings
    bill

    ReplyDelete