Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Glimpse into Crashing Back to Earth...

The following is an excerpt from my latest novel Crashing Back to Earth which we have just released through Amazon Kindle... Enjoy...

The Hard Way
He told me I was doing it the hard way and he wanted to know why. He wondered if perhaps I had forgotten that this was the hard way, wondered if I had perhaps forgotten that I had a choice.
I had, for a short time, completely lost track of those memories, it was like having amnesia, a disconnection from myself that disallowed me to draw on past experience and knowledge. It took a couple weeks of his gentle poking and prodding, his seemingly unimportant comments and observations made in passing for me to shake off the pain and begin again to look to creating my own future.
“You always do things the hard way”, he would muse...
Or
“Is it really necessary to experience something in order to know how it feels?”
We spent hours together both in person and over the internet after I had gone to him for help practically begging him to take the pain away. ‘I can’t do that’ he would gently reply, ‘but I can help you remember how to do it’...
He offered up some healing, and we met on a regular basis for a week at 11pm every night; he from his home is Quebec and I from mine in Toronto. I would lie awake and still focussed on healing and holding a picture of him in my mind; he would open himself up as a channel and allow the energy to flow through him and into me. My mind however was for the first few days at least easily pulled away from the task and hand and my thoughts often strayed to a place of anger and resentment. Something I was holding in, holding back, words unspoken and thoughts and feelings disowned were distracting me. Then came the night when he had enough of wasting his time, and through the mist of my angry thoughts filled with hate and judgement came a stern calling of my name. I knew the voice and thought ‘opps, I’m doing it again’...
I wrote him the next day to tell him I thought I had heard him call my name the night before during our session, nothing more nothing less and it was his response that reminded me of how deeply we are all connected. He answered that yes of course, he had to call my name to get my mind back focussed on what I was supposed to have my mind focussed on; not so shocking really to have proof, more shocking to think that I still needed it.
I guess we all have our own reasons for choosing to do things the hard way and it does not matter much what your reasons turn out to be only that you remember that they are your reasons and that you have in fact chosen them.
There were a few things that I had the chance to remember while I was exploring the more difficult path to health and wellness and they will mostly certainly be valuable to me in the future.
One of the most important lessons for me at the time was how to disconnect from the pain. It is extremely difficult when you have locked yourself into a place where pain and suffering are your reality. For somebody to come along and tell you to ignore or disregard the pain you get this sense of resentment, and sometimes you look at them as if they have three heads. Thoughts like, ‘sure easy for you to say’, and ‘you try it’ are at the front of your mind. I mean really, are you kidding me, all I have known for days, weeks, months is this pain and now you want me to pretend it doesn’t exist. You have got to be kidding...
It helps of course if they bother to take it a step further and show you how, it helps if they can inspire you to do things that will pull your thoughts away from the pain even for the briefest of moments. It is in that moment when you forget to suffer that you realize exactly what this helpful friend is trying to tell you. So I have some suggestions, and they are very easy to do, even for somebody who is so grievously injured or damaged physically that they cannot get out of bed. In this wondrous age of technology there are many different types of entertainment that require very little effort. Use them, watch movies, lots and lots of movies but not ones that make you think or pull at your heart strings. Ask your friends and family to bring you movies that make you laugh, movies that seem silly and mindless and in all ways completely unimportant and inconsequential. Listen to music, lots and lots of music; not music with a slow sad beat but music that rocks your body with its quick paced rhythm. Don’t read self help books, read comic books; don’t read articles in the papers and magazines that focus on health and wellness read the funnies. Oh and by the way, none of this will work...
Unless you take the time to be aware of those precious moments when you are so lost in the laughter and joy of whatever it is you have focussed your attention on that your pain has temporarily faded.
It is a very cool trick and one I would have never remembered if not for another old friend who had taken to popping up on Skype every day to drop a smile my way. Between these two determined people, I was brought quickly back from the brink of total self annihilation.
Obstinate and stubborn to a fault I am and when I do things I prefer to do them with as much enthusiasm as possible; which meant of course that I forgot myself completely and they had a hell of a time bringing me back. The one thing I noticed that both of them began doing quickly after they were reassured that I had now decided to get better; they stopped talking about me not being well. In fact it was rare if ever either of them brought up my pain, and if it was mentioned in one of my blogs they ignored that section of the blog and commented on some other part. They stopped giving attention to the thing that I wanted to go away. They stopped feeding it energy and every once in a while there would be a gentle reminder for me to stop feeding it energy as well. As it is and has been proven that when you concentrate on a thing it expands and gets bigger then it would not have done me much good to focus on being sick...
Martial arts masters have been using these principals for centuries, it is how they are able to train their bodies to accomplish feats that the average person would find remarkably impossible, they train their bodies by first training their minds then bringing their body and their mind into alignment with each other. A fun game to play if you are not in a state of wellness might be to see how long you can go during your interactions with others without discussing or revealing your illness or injury. Take control of the conversations you have and steer them away from your un wellness and get whoever you are talking to focus on the good things that have come out of you being unwell – In my case it got the point where every time somebody asked me how I was I answered – ‘well rested’ or ‘relaxed’...
Sure I am still in pain for the moment but rather than give the pain the power by focussing on it I shift the focus onto things that I am getting out of the opportunity to spend so much time on my couch... I get to rest pretty much whenever I want, and I can write whenever I want, do house hold chores when I feel like it (which means for now when I am feeling up to it) but I have learned to equate feeling up to it with feeling like I want to do it – in fact I have managed to switch the thought process from I feel like I have enough energy to do that today so I think I will do it today to I feel like doing that today so I think I will have enough energy to do it. Big difference between the two...
The point is that everybody who knows me also knows I have been going full tilt for two years straight (possibly longer but I am not sure as I have kinda lost track) without taking any kind of break, those who know me well also know that I had stopped writing for a while. So to them I say – I am finally getting some much needed rest and am well into the creation of my third novel. It has put a positive spin on my illness, and people have taken to telling me how refreshed I look when they see me, comments like ‘you look great?’ (add in a confused glazed look in their eyes) and ‘you seem so peaceful’ (again confused) are not uncommon anymore.
Given the extent of the injury to my back, and the very obvious and visible pain that people are used to seeing me in, it is no doubt a shock that I have managed to come round to feeling better so quickly...
That was however the point of choosing to do it the hard way, just to prove to others that it can be done. (maybe also to prove it to myself)
If I am to use these ideas and methods in my life to improve my life I have to believe that they will work which means I have to work through the process of proving to myself that they do. It is not enough for me it seems to simply listen to and bear witness to the testimonials of others, not for me; I have to experiment and play with these ideas. It is my intention to practice them unitl I have them so ingrained into my everyday way of living and being that they come naturally for me. I do not want to have to think my way in and out of situations, what I want to do is have a great deal of fun with the process of popping in and out of experiences. That’s my goal, to reach a state of being where being is as easy and simple as breathing.
Yup, it is a crazy concept, to take all these ideas and teachings and crank them up ten notches past where I am now but I plan on doing just that and in the realization of that goal I will stand as a living example of what it means to achieve that goal. With absolutely no resistance to whom I want to or dream of being I will simple become that person and when others come to me and ask how it is I did it, I will tell them I did it by believing I could then acting on that belief.
So sometimes I take the long way, sometimes I do things the hard way because the more challenging the situation the more chances I will have to practice the principals I wish to use to catapult myself into alternate now.
So many different reasons I had to do it the hard way, and each and every one of them valid at the time. It seems the more I explore the why of it all the more I understand just how much control I actually had over the situation. I remember very soon after the coming out of my first book a long discussion I had with my brother with regards to why on earth would I have risked so much to travel to the other side of the world to learn about and explore my truth. I was whining about the challenges I was facing and about the dangers I had brought upon myself with regards to my financial stability and the security of the relationships I had at the time. He was laughing at me...
I told him that God must be absolutely nuts to think that somebody like me could possibly help others, given my past and my history of making mistakes and being imperfect in my actions and deeds I was convinced that God had made some kind of mistake in thinking to use me for a tool for change. My brother was still laughing...
Then I ranted and raved about the insanity of me thinking I had the talent, the skill or the wisdom to positively affect the lives of others...
He was howling...
Until I ended my little tirade with a very loud outburst of “what the hell am I doing this for anyways, what the hell was I thinking?”
He stopped laughing, shrugged his shoulders looked me in the eye stated mildly, “you were bored”.
Then it was his turn and he did go on for some time about the fact that it did make perfect sense that God would choose somebody like me who was not born a shining example of purity. It made perfect sense that God would pick somebody who through the process of trial and tribulation would discover for herself what works and what does not. It did make perfect sense that God would choose somebody who did not stand above others, who did not see herself as being better than others or wiser than others. It made perfect sense to him because, as he explained, others would be more able to relate and possibly learn from the stories of somebody who had been through as much as everybody else and still managed to somehow come out with a smile and sense of self worth. And he added to that did it not also make sense that anybody who was supposed to set an example for or help others would have to know through their own personal experience exactly what those others were going through. In fact he reasoned that if I was to stand up and say that it is possible to rise above fear and doubt would it not be perfectly logical that I would have to live for myself the fear and doubt then also find a way to rise above it...
I heard all of his long winded rant but the one thing out of all of it that really stood out for me was that first line... “You were bored”
It came to me that as another of my much respected friends had explained God does not use anybody who is not willing to be used, so everything my brother said made sense if and only if I had first agreed to it... Nasty thought that but then why the hell would I agree to go through some of the things I went through...
At the end of the day it really came down to that one little truth, I was bored...
Life was not a challenge enough; there was not enough contrast between my good moments and my bad moments, not enough of a difference between my highs and my lows. To really and truly appreciate the ups I had to see, feel and live through the downs. The more pain I suffered the more intense my joy would be at the release of the pain and it was that intensity, that passion and that hotly burning bright flame that would draw others to me.
So before we get to talking about the easy way, I would like to discuss one very important thing that we have left out so far in this exploration of the hard way. If you have chosen the hard way and you really want to find the absolute most uplifting and rapid path to the easy way; learn to really appreciate the way you are doing it right NOW!!!
Seriously, as you examine your reasons for doing things this way, come to be proud of the choice you made in choosing the more challenging route, congratulate yourself on coming up with so many inventive and interesting ways to encourage your growth as a person. Glorify and celebrate your downs, you lows, your pain and suffering as they are your chosen method of making your way to your ups, your highs, your joy and your ultimate happy place. The more love you pour into the idea of your temporary pause in living, the more excitement you feel at the idea of all the things you can learn through the observation of that pause the more quickly you will learn the things you have decided you want to learn and then you can move on and up and out and it will be an absolutely glorious expression of the power of who you are....
And THAT is HOW you transition from doing things the HARD WAY to doing things OUR WAY...



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